She slept on my lap, cozy on her nursing pillow, and she was the most beautiful darling girl I've ever seen. Her smooth chubby cheeks, full pouty lips and long red lashes glowed in the light of the t.v. while I watched Kate & Leopold. I love watching her sleep. I realize I am a very selfish mommy allowing her to fall asleep on me every night but she will only be an infant for such a short time that I can't help myself.
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| Robyn at 4 months, sleeping on my shoulder |
There is so much I need to do to get us ready for me to go to work in January. Unfortunately, I am procrastinating feeding her solid foods because nursing her is easier and more enjoyable, for me. I'm procrastinating finding her a day care because deep down I want to stay home with her even though I know it's not possible. She naps when she's tired, or doesn't, because we just roll with whatever works for us that day... again, I know we should have a bit of a routine.
At least I've let go enough to go to kickboxing class 3 times a week. She's getting into a nice routine with her dad, so how come I feel a little disappointed? I want her to be independent of me enough to leave her with someone but it makes me sad she's actually doing it.
Deep sigh... time to get my act in gear. How do other mommies do this so well? I feel like I'm missing a piece of the puzzle.
Oh sweetie, I know how you're feeling, and the best thing I can say is that each stage is the best! It gets better and better and motherhood becomes intuitive and still as much fun and as rewarding as it is now. XX
ReplyDeleteYou will never regret this procrastination and you will never regret watching her bond to her dad. Believe in one door closes and another one opens. It's up to us to find the door. Don't worry....and I'm so glad you've written this down so that I can remember each and every child hat I've nursed.
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